I must be too annoying 4 u.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
