half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
