He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
