so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
