repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
