ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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