his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
