one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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