i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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