maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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