decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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