did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
