Already got asked if we're dating
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
