You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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