When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
