lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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