Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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