you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
