Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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