so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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