remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
