So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
