I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she peed on how many people?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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