He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
