You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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