and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
