My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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