i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
