Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
