Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
