were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
