he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
