dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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