I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
