Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
