the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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