my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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