You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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