She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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