So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
