Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
