I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
