Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
