you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
