so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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