I want you more than these girls want KFC
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
