Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
