Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
