i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
