I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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