well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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