my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
