Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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